So who's in control?

بَلَىٰ مَنْ كَسَبَ سَيِّئَةً وَأَحَاطَتْ بِهِ خَطِيئَتُهُ فَأُولَٰئِكَ أَصْحَابُ النَّارِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ

البقرة[81]

 وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَكُمْ وَرَفَعْنَا فَوْقَكُمُ الطُّورَ خُذُوا مَا آتَيْنَاكُمْ بِقُوَّةٍ وَاسْمَعُوا ۖ قَالُوا سَمِعْنَا وَعَصَيْنَا وَأُشْرِبُوا فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ الْعِجْلَ بِكُفْرِهِمْ ۚ قُلْ بِئْسَمَا يَأْمُرُكُمْ بِهِ إِيمَانُكُمْ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ

البقرة[93]

 I can't imagine that the human being keeps on sinning till actually it's not under his/her control, but under the sin's manipulation. Usually, the person thinks that he/she has many strengths; however, it's totally opposite to this, so he reaches a point when he/she may be like a slave to his/her desires. This can actually happen to us as well and isn't necessarily limited to non-muslims. I think it usually occurs if we do less ibadah or we do it quickly like many of our prayers or because of our numerous sins. Unfortunately, the person can hardly realize what happened to him/her when he/she is already indulged in such state. Therefore, it is hard to tell whether you are bad or good, so you simply ask Allah to guide you to the straight path. I believe that the mobile for many people and at least for me became this thing that controls us, because we can't let go of such an 'essential' thing as we may call. Maybe we can leave it for a while physically, but our hearts probably don't, so that's why we end up being attached to it again. It's a horrible cycle that no one can detach our hearts from this but Allah, because he's the most powerful and strong. Allah swt created us and definitely he has the cure for our hearts. However, we still gotta do our best to show ourselves worthy of Allah's provision of detaching our hearts from these temporary things.

اللهم لا تعلق قلوبنا بالدنيا بل بالآخرة 🙏🏼

أنا

إِلَّا الَّذِينَ تَابُوا وَأَصْلَحُوا وَبَيَّنُوا فَأُولَٰئِكَ أَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۚ وَأَنَا التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ

البقرة[160]

 عندما قال الله "أنا" شعرت بالقرب منه وأن هناك أمل أن يتوب علي...شعرت وكأنه يطمئنني قائلا "وأنا التواب الرحيم". حقا هذه الآيات ليست من وحي خيال رسول الله مُحمد صلى الله عليه وسلم بل هي مُنَزَّلة من عند "التواب الرحيم" فهو الوحيد الذي يعلم ما الذي يلتمس قلوب عباده وهو الوحيد الذي يعلم متى يجعلني أقرأ الآية فحينها أستشعر معناها. كثيرا ما أفكر إن لم يكن الله تعالى ربّي فكيف كنت سأعيش، مؤكدا ستكون حياتي بلا معنى ولا هدف ولن يكون هناك أحاديث أو آيات تحتضنني لتؤكد لي أن هناك ربٌ مجيب الدعاء. وأحيانا ما أفكر إن لم يكن أنعم الله علي بالإسلام، غالبا لانهمرت في الحياة بجميلها وسيئها ولما فكرت في أن أُسلم لذا فأنا أحمد الله أنه وهبني هذه النعمة وجعلني أُحبها خير الحُب.

My non muslim friend asked

Today my friend was talking with me about Hijab and we came to the question of "Do parents force their daughters to wear hijab? And if so then why??"

سبحان الله I didn't know what to say exactly until for the first time ever I got to have a good answer for such a question. الحمد لله that Allah inspired me with such a thought. I told her that parents have to raise their children properly. If they haven't done this role correctly and they simply chose the easy way out, they end up forcing their daughter(s). I discovered an amazing blessing الحمد لله, which is that my parents did their best in upbringing me, and they played a major role in my decision of wearing hijab. I told her that Allah allowed me to not only choose to wear hijab, but also to love it, be proud of it and let it tell the world that الحمد لله I am a muslimah.

يا رب نسألك الثبات والهداية...كلاهما.

وإنا على فراقك لمحزونون

I feel like I am emotionally numbed! Oh Yes I do cry, because I miss my grandmother, but I cry intentionally. I keep on trying to remember every good moment that I spcnt with her, so I start weeping and that's how it all goes. I feel like I am still in that state of denial, because I deeply still can't imagine that she won't be back, I won't visit her at home, or that she won't be there in our lives anymore. It's as if I am still in that state of denial, even though I deeply understand what has happened. I think that's why I don't usually start crying except if I bring the tears themselves into my eyes. It's a weird feeling and I simply don't understand what that type of feeling is. I believe that the human mind and heart are so simple that they don't really get what death is and probably that's why still no one understands what the soul is about and they never will. It's so deep for us to fully digest the soul's idea.

﴿وَيَسأَلونَكَ عَنِ الرّوحِ قُلِ الرّوحُ مِن أَمرِ رَبّي وَما أوتيتُم مِنَ العِلمِ إِلّا قَليلًا﴾
[الإسراء: ٨٥]

Truly, we barely know anything, so that's why something like death, dreams, or even spiritual worshipping isn't easy for us to fully grasp. What I can conclude for now is that we all need Allah as a stable source of strength, mercy and evey good thing. May He strengthen my mum for facing such a life incident and may he grant my grandma entering firdaws. Ameen

Again coming back to the point of missing her, I still kind of can't accept the fact that this beautiful lady is not existing anymore, or that I won't meet her again in this dunya. I have always wanted her to be in our weddings or any celebrations. I still can't imagine that I won't sleep at her house in my summer vacation. I used to get very excited about going there, so when the idea pops up in my mind I used to grab my bag and fill it with what I need and then someone drops me off over there. I used to spend the best of my nights there, as I spent with her some lovely moments. We prayed together, watched TV together, ate and cooked together, and did so much, so it's hard to  imagine my life without her. If I continue, then I will keep on writing on and on almost endlessly. May this kind person rest in peace and be in Jannah إن شاء الله.

From the heart to the heart

Well, speaking to the future me. Please don't care that much about people! Please don't get attached to people...please don't give them so much attention...not because they don't deserve this, but because your heart won't bear being hurt so much! Your heart is way too fragile to be abandoned by many, so give less attention to people and don't sell your heart to anyone. I am not speaking to you about romantic love…Ugh !!!! I am telling you about friendships...don't let your heart be a cheap one, and please make it more expensive so that people strive to get it! Stop giving your heart as a gift, and please make it priceless so that no one can reach it except whom you choose! Why aren't you a little bit introvert?? :(( Why do you socialize so much?? Stop thsese interactions with people for a while please. Stop facebook, whatsApp, calls, or meeting anyone and isolate yourself please!!

While you are isolated, can you please concentrate on your faith, instead of wasting time with people who are not worth it? Allah deserves this time certainly more than the rest!
Please please please don't get attached to people and be attached ONLY to Allah سبحانه وتعالى

Speaking to whoever has a friend who truly cares. Make use of this overcare, before you miss the chance and this care fades away as a result of your actions.

Detachment

For an extrovert like me, it happens a lot that Allah makes me go through situations to remind me that my heart shall not be attached to anyone but him. Maybe such incidents hurt me so much from the inside; however, الحمد لله that Allah blessed me with such thing, because else I would've been so attached to human beings or to gadgets that will sooner or later leave me or I will leave them.

Allah does nothing to us but the best, so I truly believe that whatever I go through is the best of best that Allah has decreed for me especially. Sometimes we need problems and sad feelings in order to return to Allah, and as a human being, I am one of those who need a constant reminder of this so that I always plead to Allah سبحانه وتعالى.

Especially, when we get attached to friends, parents, or siblings and maybe later on husband or children, it would a blessing from Allah to test us in some ways to make us detach ourselves from those people, and ONLY get attached to Allah swt. That's because at the end, we need to remember that the only perfect one who is always able to supply you with what you need of tangible or intangible things would be ALLAH.

May Allah attach our hearts to only HIM and make us fully satisfied with worshipping him and getting attached to him, ao that we aren't in need of anyone but Him.

إحياء

بكتب الكلام ده و على وشك اني اعيط بس مش عايزة اقلب يومي عياط
بكتب عشان اشتقت بشدة لإحياء
اشتقت لصحبة بجد "مهما نقع نقدر نقوم نشق نتحدى الغيوم نلاقي ليلنا ألف يوم بس احنا نحلم"
أنا فاكرة أول يوم إحياء و كنت زهقت من thiters و رحت عيطت شوية و كنت هنقل protoziners عشان مسلي اكتر
كنا بنروح الويك اند كلها من الصبح لغاية آخر اليوم و ساعات كنت باخد المذاكرة معايا
و كنا بنشوف 'مستر' فريد قليل اوي
وللأسف ما عرفتش أحضر يوم البنك العظيم
و كان العدد قليل لدرجة اننا كنا ولاد و بنات في باص واحد و كمان في أماكن زيادة
اتبسطت جدا لما التيم بتاعي اختارتي ليدر....زودت طاقتي الإيجابية
أنا فاكرة يوم الsketches وكان في ناس بتضحك اوي
وفاكرة اما الكوتشز عملوا الsketch اللي نتعلم منه
كانت رسالتهم يقولوا لنا اننا لينا هدف واحد نوصل له وهو الجنة لكن أكيد هيكون في عوائق في نص طريقنا للجنة إن شاء الله
سواء شيطان أو صحبة سوء
أهم حاجة اننا كنا في الAUC وكنا أهم حاجة بنتغدى هناك و كان في محل واحد يعتبر بس هو اللي بيبقى فاتح
كان في يوم الهوا كان قوي جدا لدرجة ان الشمسيات كانت بتقع
كان حلو ان ما كناش بس بنبيع برودكت
ﻷ الحمد لله اننا اتعلمنا حاجات تانية
مثلنا و صورنا فيديوهات و عمرو سأل مدرسين و صور معاهم حاجات
اتدربنا على الpresentation
كانت أيام جميلة و كنا طيبين اوي يا خال
الجميل اننا كنا بنقضي الويك اند مع إحياء...أينعم ما كنتش بلحق أذاكر بس كنت بحس اني مع أسرتي و عيلتي التانية
و دلوقتي حاسة انه بلاها نادية خليها سوسو
يعني بلاها مذاكرة...اللي فرق معايا بجد و لسة محفور في الذاكرة هس إحياء
و الحمد لله بجد ان يسر خلتني أنضم لعيلتي الثانية

و دلوقتي لولا ظروفنا و ظروف الحياة كان زماني مكملة مع إحياء و الفكرة اني دلوقتي في أمس الحاجة إلى إحياء عشان محتاجة المساعدة في قرار ادخل ايه في الجامعة
و كان نفسي اكون دخلت من زمان وخلصت الlevels كلها :')
قدر الله وما شاء فعل
و حاسة اني على اﻷقل ما قدرتش أكمل عشان مثلا لا اتعلق بحاجة في الأول و في الآخر دنيوية

يا رب بجد ربنا يبارك في إحياء و يجعلها سبب في نفع اﻷمة و تغييرها و ربنا يرزق من فيها النية الخالصة لوجه الله إن شاء الله

نفس

Life is just passing...

Days, weeks, months and years! Looking back at all what happened changes a lot in me....I probably laugh with whoever I share my stories with, or maybe I innerly cry for this time that is continuously passing before I do something which I can be happily proud of infront of the Ummah on Day of Judgement. It is so scary that our souls are intermittently and not regularly  shaken by the verses of Quran! I mean why isn't our sincerity and piety stable? Most probably we know the answer :(

We know the answer of this life...that our mistakes and sins have entirely surpassed  our deeds; however, our arrogance still drives us to strive to prove to Allah and to everyone that NO we are very righteous people, even though we may not be. Actually whenever anyone is a pious, he or she won't know this except after death, but whoever claims religiousness is surly misguided by his or her arrogance. Sometimes when we do many good deeds, we may spoil them by being so happy with them, to the extent that we may count how many deeds we did today. Contrarily, even if we do millions and millions of deeds, they will never ever be enough for worshipping our creator.

It makes me feel so ashamed that angels after worshipping Allah since before Adam's existence till end of life, they tell Allah that they didn't worship him enough as much as HE deserves. On the other hand, there's that stubborn one called 'HUMAN'  who prays one prayer and rushes in it and subsequently believes that he or she did the best of the best. We do one nafila and then we are deceived that this is enough and that wow we are such amazing people!

We need to prepare our souls for Ramadan...our spirituality needs a level up so that we can reach a higher level of faith إن شاء الله. May Allah grant all of us to live Ramadan with piety and righteousness. May Allah purify our intentions as well.

رُبا

ناس لا أود أن أكون مثلهم

في أيام بتبقى كل حاجة في حياتي وردي كده و تحفة و بكون في قمة السعادة...كلنا بنحب بعض و الحمد لله الصحة عال العال و عندنا كل ما يخطر على البال
بس في أيام زي اختبار...مش نعمة بتزول بس ناس بتحقد على الواحد و بتحسده مع ان هم مش هيحسه بالحقد ده لما يبصوا هلى كلللل النعم اللي ربنا أنعنها عليهم
بحس انه هو أنا عملت لك ايه عشان تحسي بهذا الكم من الكره و البعض اتجاهي و أكيد مش بعد يكره الخير لي هروح أحكي لهم أخباري
كله إحساسهم تجاهي غير متماشي مع بعض
يعني يوم يكونوا قمة الحب والمودة و يوم آخر يكرهوني كأني ظلمتهم خمسين سنة أو أكتر
يا رب يصرف عني اني أكره حد و يخليمي أحب الخير للناس دايما

ME Me mE me...what do u think is the difference?

الحمد لله
Allah blessed me with a personality filled with joy; a personality that loves to please others, talk to them, help them and I am that type who talks a lot and socialises with everyone. Then there comes a point when that statue can't hold itself anymore and can't leave the smile on its face...I think it can be called a breaking point

It's when alhamdulilah I have everything I need, but something deep inside is sad and feels pain. When I feel that inner pain my tears flood. Simply, I have no reason to tell why they're running out escaping out of my eyes and I am not able to justify these tears to the others. It's when I feel like there's no clue and that I am deeply hurt. At these moments in my life I feel like I wanna slam the door, zip my mouth, sit in my room just alone and I feel like why am I being so cheerful?? No one answers my question and nothing is heard but silence.

It's only the clueless inner pain that tells me clearly that I am going in the wrong path and that I am not really following Islam correctly. At these moments I feel like regretting all what I did in this life and I ask myself "Was what you ignorantly did worth doing?  Would you rather choose enjoying it than enjoying آخرة?"

I feel like all what I feel and all what happens are some indirect messages from Allah to tell me that I should lower this nose which is only looking up. I only feel this type of grief and pain because of no reason but being far from Allah and way beyond being called a muslim. It's only when I cry deeply, that I plan for some REAL change. Do I have to be in need so that I plead for Allah's mercy, love and guidance?

Honestly, the human being inside me resembles a lot of the quran verses; resembles these descriptions of the human race. Why do I always feel happy about the AMAZING me, while I end up every grief time realising that I the bottom of greatness and I am the top of uselessness.

Really!! I should really remember that I have been created for a reason, so please please Roba...don't leave that reason then look for another reason that certainly won't help. We beings look for happiness in everything, but we always forget to look in happiness with who created it. I look in each corner of life for happiness but I forget that the true pleasantness isn't in corners but center.

I am really sick of me being a dumb human being who runs after wealth and health or who tries to fulfil her life desires. I am sick of me doing nothing but wasting time then calling myself religious. I am tired of myself and I simply dunno how will I justify my naive actions to Allah swt. I am just fed up with my imperfection and I am yearning to see the Prophet pbuh. I really wanna know how masha'Allah he was able to get over all the human's  wrong actions and fulfil what Allah wants not what he as a human being wanted.

May Allah grant us guidance and may he help us being people who live their life for HIM.